"Just" one

I found myself over the past few years repeating the same phrase over and over again... "just one." I had become the very thing I found annoying before I had a child, but wanted one more than anything, when someone would saw they had "just one" child. I used to think, "why are you saying 'just' ? Do you know how lucky you are to have one?" but somewhere between having Emilia, and wanting, but not having more children, that little annoying word unfortunately crept into my vocabulary and I used it with frequency when I was asked how many children I had. I remember very distinctively a conversation I had with my brother in law, Markus, while sitting at his house one evening when Emilia was 3, and his 3rd kiddo, Lily was the same age. He was talking about being responsible for a family, and the stress that can take on making sure your children were taken care of financially, etc...  I don't recall what I said, but it was his response that stuck with me, when he replied, "Ya, but you are lucky you have JUST one kid ..." There is was... that little annoying word. Little did he know that it took everything in me to not cry when my friends were announcing their pregnancies, or better yet to not be resentful to those complaining about their "accidental" pregnancies because there was nothing I wanted more than to have more children.  Soon after your toddler becomes a bit independent, people you know start asking the question of when you will be having another, and I always said something to the effect that we were enjoying Emilia, or I was finishing grad school, or something to make an excuse for my uterus not being currently used, and then people eventually stop asking because they have already heard your answer a thousand times, and either believe you, or caught you on a hormonal day and made you cry at work (nope... never happened to me!). But then I began a new job, and a common question is if you have children, and if so, how many, to which I answered "just one" every time I am sure. This week Emilia and I watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (Fore warning: this is where the real rambling begins) and all of this hit me while watching this with her, and the girl, played by Natalie Portman, called the guy, Henry, I think?, a "just guy." When he asks her what that is, she replies something to the effect of it being a guy that looks like him, wears shoes like him, and no matter what anyone says, will think a bench is just a bench and this toy store is JUST a toy store... its just that and nothing more. Then later in the movie, there was "just" a block of wood, that ended up bringing the store back to life... OK, so that was a quick summary and I am sure is not clarifying where I am going with this, but I am getting there- I had totally become one of those annoying "Just" people! I have spent the last 5 years with my "just" one little amazing girl, but spent too much time focusing on the fact that I did only have 1 child, instead of realizing how much I have enjoyed being a mom to one. Being an only child for 5 years, Emilia is quite the little adult and shares my taste in music as well as art... because I have had just one kiddo, at the age of 4, she could identify Picasso's artwork when compared to that of Monet, because she loved going to the art museum as much as I did. Because I had just one child to teach the past 5 years, I have a child who can carry on a full conversation with you about animal hibernation and migration patterns, photosynthesis, metamorphosis, gardening, and many other topics that you don't always have time for when there are 4 children under the age of 5 (I am picking this example because it's what I originally had planned)... now I am not saying anything about those families who chose to have large families or children close together, because I would have been just as happy had either of these been an option for us, but what I am saying is I am so grateful for the past 5 years of having only Emilia, and the only thing "just" about her, is just how amazing she is and just what a wonderful big sister she will be!